To the person who googled “better to fall on butt in roller derby”

The answer is NO. Unless you’ve got one of these.

Listen, we wear knee pads because it’s safest, and easiest to get back on your feet, when you fall forward. You know what happens when you fall on your ass? 1) You often land on your tailbone or hipbone, both of which are extremely painful. 2) You sprawl out like a goddamned starfish, take up half the track, and trip your friends. 3) While sprawled out like a starfish, some of your less coordinated teammates or opponents might not have time to get around you, and instead will skate into you, your head, your legs, etc. They will fall on top of you, kick you, and otherwise pummel you while you’re already down.

The golden rule of falling has three parts. A) Fall on your pads. B) Fall small. Tuck your body in as close as you can. Knees to chest, hands in fists (you don’t want someone skating on your fingers). C) Get the eff up as fast as you can! You can’t do any of those things if you fall on your ass. So learn to fall forward, even if it feels totally unnatural.

See, this is the benefit of being the worst skater on the team: you become an expert at falling techniques. Learn from me!

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2 thoughts on “To the person who googled “better to fall on butt in roller derby”

  1. Nicole says:

    I friggin dare you to wear a pair of these your next practice back!

    • Sara says:

      You buy me a pair of ass-pad shorts and I will wear them to practice. I will not, however, wear them outside of Fleetwood for any reason, ever.

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